This time of life is something no one can prepare for. It is unexpected, unpredicted, and ultimately just unbelievable. No one really knows what to do next. How do we sit at home all day, not knowing when the next time we step on the ice is going to be? How do we stay motivated when the gyms are closed, the rinks are closed, and our support team isn’t near us? This is a time that we need to learn more about ourselves. This is a time that we can finally find the answer to the most important question…

What drives me?

What is it that gets you out of bed in the morning? What is it that will convince you to get off the couch? What is it that will get you where you want to be when you are free to live in the open world again? And what motivates you to achieve your craziest and wildest dreams?

The answers to these questions will be different for everyone. They won’t necessarily be easy to answer either. Sometimes we think that the main motivation is that Olympic dream, or the gold medal around your neck. Sometimes we think our passion comes from within and our need to find inner strength. Sometimes we think that our parents and coaches will be disappointed in us, so we are driven by fear to keep them proud of us. These are all very valid reasons, and for you, it might be what gets your goals accomplished.

For years I thought I was driven by fear of disappointment. Every time I got injured, I felt like a failure to my coach and to my parents. I was pushing myself everyday in recovery to prove to them that I wasn’t fragile, that I wasn’t weak, that my body was strong enough to do anything they asked me. Whenever I had to take time off, I was determined to come back stronger than before, to prove to my coach that I wasn’t going away that easily.

Following my injured years, I realized being driven by fear wasn’t healthy on my mental health. My body was strong. My body was capable. But my mind was terrified of failure. So I became determined to make myself healthy and find that inner strength. I wanted to be confident and unshakable. I wanted to be untouchable. All those things that I wanted is what got me through until I was where I wanted to be at nearly every competition. I was happy with myself and I was standing on the podium so many times.

I started to align my happiness with the results of competitions. And that couldn’t have come at a better time. It was the Olympic year. I was motivated to get to those Olympics and skate lights out. I was driven everyday, through injuries and doubt, by the dream of being the most confident me and standing on the podium at Olympics. I didn’t necessarily believe that I was capable, but I was training every day with the dream to accomplish what people talk about… being on the Olympic podium.

Something that I learned just before I was heading to the Olympics in 2018, and something that I continue to learn about my past and present self, is what truly drove me through everyday of training. What it is that drove me through every injury. What drove me to stand on podiums. I was driven by the reactions of others. I am still driven by the desire to see the reactions of people around me. I am driven by emotion and making others feel emotion. At the 2018 Olympic Games, I skated the best I ever did in competition. I felt strong, unbreakable, and ready. I was everything I wanted. I skated the way I wanted. Yet the memory that sticks with me most, is the video of my team cheering in the stands. Seeing their reactions was what made that moment the most special for me. That is what I was looking for. That was what I craved. That was what got me through the tough days of training, the desire to make the people in the audience feel something. To be embraced by the same emotions I was having.

So while this time will take you away from everything that is normal. Your everyday schedule is changed. Your gym is closed, and your rink is closed. We are asked to stay inside and twiddle our thumbs, not knowing what the next couple weeks will be like. But we can take this time to relax, breathe, and answer the question that we need to answer. Find your motivation, find your strength, find your drive. These answers come at a time that is the hardest. When things are easy, we get complacent and comfortable. When things get tough, we dig deep within us to answer our questions. It is where we find what we are grateful for.